This morning Joseph, my 2.5 year old son, Ken, and I set out for a walk in the woods. It turned out to be a fit in the woods.
It has been 2.5 years I claimed myself to be a sensitive, and loving Attachment parent. In fact, I have only drove myself into rage with Joseph which I would never call sensitive or loving. It is difficult raising a child when you are still coming out of your Spoiled Little Brat. For too long now appeasing Joseph’s every demand has pushed me beyond my boundaries.
Alas, today was going to be different for him, and for both our highest good. I allowed him to have one of his first temper tantrums/bouts of rage. He found his spot on the trail and for 25 minutes squirmed and flailed his body around on the ground, kicking the dirt, screaming and snarling the word “Nuuurse!!”, whilst turning red in the face. I knew he was not deprived of any need after a hearty breakfast; porridge, berries and a whole banana. He drank water, too. We nursed at the beginning of the trail. And not after 5 minutes, he wanted to nurse again. I said “No, Joseph, when we go back to the car we will have water.” We would return in 30 minutes so I knew he would be fine.
Joseph is learning sometimes he will not get what he wants. And there are a number of reasons; when he is in danger, when he cannot have a food which is poor for his health, when taking something at the expense of another and so on. I say at the expense because I have followed an illusion that giving Joseph all he demands is being giving and loving. And this illusion, has only made Joseph the brunt of my own neither loving, nor giving, rage!
Joseph needs boundaries; and some involve my boundaries as a human, too.
I have learned lessons of being a Spoiled Brat in my Twenties (Adulthood!) and now I want to save Joseph from learning so late.
We both learned today. When Joseph eventually calmed down, I asked him, “Are you ready to walk back to the car and get some water,” I reached out my hand, he said in a sweet surrendering voice, “Yeah, walk back to the car.” I told him he did really well hearing “No”, and I loved him. We had a peaceful walk back pointing at the geese, bumping into friends, and I carried him in my arms, heart-to-heart.
He learned his boundaries and I restored mine. I am the adult, Joseph is the child, therefore I set the boundaries.
(I am adding this now in the evening) after the Energies have shared with me the coincidence of two messengers who passed us during Joseph’s temper tantrum. The first older woman said, “some adults don’t even understand ‘no'”. The second woman; “it’s better he learn it now.”
Note: We did not interact with Joseph. We only stood there talking to each other and kept an eye on him. We did not pay his behavior any attention.