imageRecently, my husband, Kevin and I were looking for our first house. It only took a few houses when I spotted this beautiful new build and wanted to see it before the others. We showed up and fell in love. It was on a hill, built Tudor style, with earth tones and some white, big old trees on the front hill of the house and the woods beginning at the back of the yard. Inside open, spacious with the master bedroom on the main floor to save all the stairs climbing. We explored the woods out back to find where it met my favorite hiking trails, and I envisioned vegetable gardens on the plateaus of the rolling backyard slope. It was perfect. There was a woman, a potential buyer on the phone appearing in the works of purchasing the house, and thats when we acted fast, made a reasonable offer and poof the house was ours!
We left for home and I processed what just happened to suddenly shift with panic and concern that I made a major mistake. The dead end street with all of seven homes had no children for our two young boys to play. I thought to myself, “I would lonely with Kevin away on work, the winters are grey and dismal, the woods are scary and quiet at nighttime. I returned the next day knocking on the neighbors doors to no answer at several houses, an elderly coupl at another, and then their grandsons renting the house across the street. I went to my husband and said I have a pit in my stomach about this house because there are no children around. I called Ken and told him my “issue”, and he responded, “you can drive to parks can’t you”. But no, I was insistent that I not feel isolated with the children, especially in the grayness of winter. I returned again with my best friend, Michelle, her children and mine, and let the children explore the crawl space in the upstairs, then the woods, and rested in the backyard watching them play. We chatted about my concerns, (neglecting to experience the sun, breeze, grass and sounds of life in the woods)and then I discovered a turkey feather laying by my side; I said to Michelle, “look its a sign, maybe this house was meant for us.”
Kevin suggested it would be a great house and it would work out. And he also heard my concerns.
After 2 days of all-consuming lament, discussions with my parents, sitters, friends; they all agreed with me that we needed children around (but for me my spiritual journey requires time in nature and solitude as my discipline!) so we backed out of the contract!
I experienced so many lessons for this experience!
I asked my friend and real estate agent to weasel us back out of our contract which was asking him to compromise his integrity. This was my first lesson.
Second; I compromised my integrity, and my word with my agent by going back on my word. All my understanding of Integrity and the Power of Words disappeared because my ego was ruling me.
Third; I never considered that I would be giving Kevin the greatest amount of pleasure with the peace and nature for him to return from work. I was self centered.
And fourth; I did not have faith in the Energies with all their messages. Where was my faith?
Days later we found a new house in a beautiful neighborhood littered with children. It wasn’t until I lost the house that I realized what I had lost. The house was a gift to me. It was in fact perfect for our family. For building fires, for having deer and rabbits in our backyard in the quiet mornings, and hawks flying above the woods, for building forts, time with our friends in nature, foraging for plant food, for the space, clean air, peace to meditate, and so much more.
I spoke to Ken mentioning how I had a pit in the stomach and “Didn’t it mean I had a gut feeling?” And of course, he replied in his all-Knowing awareness to awaken me to my truth, “No that was fear. You are never alone Jodi.”
Fear took over and the Energies could not reach me. The Energies did everything they could to gift me and my family that house; the woman making an offer the exact time we went to view the home to motivate our quick offer, my initial love for the house before seeing it and then in person, there feather by my side, a hawk soaring above, and I chose fear.
I feel pain for this loss. And I am reminded in life we always have choice. The Energies cannot force us to do anything, and they are working with us to bring us to the experience, almost at any cost, of Who we Really are- Unconditional love and compassion. If we are open to their guidance it is a pleasurable Journey and if we are so clouded by our egos, then we experience hard knocks. We come to forks in the road to choose love, or fear and the ego. I didn’t get the dream house (love), I got the lesson ( for my ego). May I learn from it, be aware and have faith of future messages, and keep on keeping on as Ive committed on this spiritual journey. I vow to deepen my inner silence, and feel the gifted feather in my hands. I bow to the Energies for the lesson. It was just as much a gift as the house would have been.